The cancer World Cup

The ward is a void without him. Football blares in the corner, the monotonous roar of the crowd unleavened by … More

Why aren’t you dead yet?

Jörn Cann wasn’t my friend. He was my doctor. He was famous before we even met him as the doctor … More

The way it starts. With an ending. Just before our love got lost. We have all been here: the wit … More

The room is small, the size of a student bedsit. An enormous grey sofa takes up most of the space. … More

I am completely torn apart -Rupert Loydell When I first read Raymond Carver’s Fires I loved and understood all of it, … More

Don’t forget, this is inside us every day -Stephen Berg This is not happening. It happened. Past tense. One … More

Then this. We are sitting with hospital mugs of tea, in the Quiet Room. We are all leaning forward, listening … More

My main memory of watching The West Wing is the way Martin Sheen would wrap up discussions with his staff by … More

This is the day we go the hospital as usual. We have banter with Jörn and Nadine while they inject … More

Dear Anthony Two cycles down, just six more to go. You are not looking bad, considering. The belligerent doctor who … More

Dear Ant So you’ve had your first chemotherapy treatment. That first night, when you came home and carried the sick … More

Dear Ant Isn’t it strange, how quickly you notice your passing from one world into the next? One minute … More

We walked into the brunt light, towards the hospital. The air was dry, February-cold. Traffic was going about its … More

Gift A day so happy.Fog lifted early. I worked in the garden.Hummingbirds were stopping over the honeysuckle flowers.There was no … More

Dear Anthony I’m writing to let you know what you already know in your bones, as you put it much … More

My memoir of cancer, Love for Now, has been reviewed by cancer patients, and former patients, under the aegis of Macmillan … More

Just as I do not go around thinking about my cancer all the time, there are times when I feel … More

I have been thinking a lot recently about Tomas Tranströmer’s poem ‘Alone’. When I first read it I was taken … More