Now for the other life. The one without mistakes.
A year ago I found myself not looking at Facebook while I was on holiday. It did me the power of good. I went for walks, talked and ate with my family, all the normal things, but without the background knowledge that as soon I had finished interacting with them I could treat myself to ‘just ten minutes’ (i.e. an hour) of endless scrolling to see who had walked their dog and made some jam.
On arriving home I announced I would not be using it any more.
Like a lot of promises, this held good for a while until one afternoon I felt compelled to ‘just take a look’. I honestly can’t remember what I saw, or why I went on. From that moment on I suppose I took a look about once a week, ‘just to see’, rising to a peak around the election, when, idiot that I am, I broke my vow fully and chose to vent a little.
Since then it has been pretty much radio silence, with the odd relapse thrown in.
Then, at the start of September, I decided to stop using Twitter (i.e. I admitted I had an addiction problem). And that really has changed everything. I remembered that via the miracle of technology these blog posts still reached both platforms. I could be ‘there’, but could remove my accompanying obsession over who said what about them. It was incredibly freeing.
Like Ted Hughes’s roosting hawk, I have decided to keep things like this. Posts will appear, but I will be somewhere else, preferably talking to people in real time, or noting things down, for myself, not public consumption, free from the worry of how to squish it into 140 characters.
This is not about you, remember, it’s about me. And my poor, fried head trying to claw back some space for what is important. If I don’t reply to your message/ friend request/event, or like or comment on your news, please don’t take it personally. (You may have to use other means.) I just need to go. Now. As they say, it’s been real. I think.