The sweetness of 2020

Anthony Wilson, ,

I don’t want to pretend for a second that it was great. It was full of rawness and grief and lament and pain. Sometimes unendingly. But I also want to say that there was great sweetness.

I was put in mind of this last night as I looked back on it all with friends – in the new church of Zoom (where else?). We sucked on slices of lemon – to remind ourselves of the bitterness we had experienced. And then on something sweet (chopped up Curly Wurly, yum) – so that we could recall that which had been sweet.

We finished by looking forward, with hope. Everyone got a go, and because it was Zoom, we all had to mute ourselves and listen.

In my mind’s eye I remembered: reading reading reading; the birdsong; the blueness of the spring sky; visiting my friend Phyllis; cosiness with my father and siblings; the solace of work that I love; a project I adore and am lucky to be a part of (thank you Sue Dymoke!); the kindness of my colleagues; students who amaze me with their creativity and resilence; the rekindling of old friendships; the sustaining intimacy of gatherings, real as well as virtual; bloggers I adore (you know who you are); music music music (thank you Max Richter!); Tatty’s ordination; my children; and gorgeous little Millie (who is snoring beside me as I type).

I tried summing this up as living in Brave Space. As the poem says, it was not perfect. And for much of the time felt inseparable from grief. But I could not remember having had deeper, longer and more real conversations for a very long time. I want more of that, I said. And to hug my dad again.

Wishing you all a very happy new year and much sweetness in the year to come.

Published by Anthony Wilson

I am a lecturer, poet and writing tutor. I work in teacher and medical education at the University of Exeter. My anthology Lifesaving Poems was published by Bloodaxe Books in 2015. In 2012 I published Riddance (Worple Press), a collection of poems, and Love for Now (Impress Books), a memoir, about my experience of cancer. The Wind and the Rain, my sixth collection of poems, is available now from Blue Diode Publishing. My current research project, funded by the Foyle Foundation, is Young Poets' Stories: https://youngpoetsstories.com/. This blog is archived by the British Library.

10 Comments

  2. Thank you for your words you lovely soul. I too have felt moments of peace and happiness at a time when the world has dived into chaos – I have survived through poetry and nature and art and birdsong and Radio 3 and country walks and sea breezes and love .. I almost feel guilty to feel so blessed. You were at my start of 2020 as I asked for your poetry book for Christmas and here you are at the beginning of my 2021 … I give thanks for you and your wonderful words xx

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